Time Capsule

Army Life

2006-07-02T02:48:00.000-07:00

Army Life

Life is good in the army for me... Very good... it starts making you do things you never thought that you were ever able to do... its shows you the potential that you had hiding in you all this time...

The people I never knew 4 months back has now come the people closest to me... we train sweat together, laugh together, bleed together, eat together, live together...

I'm neither aiming to be a commander nor not being one... my perception of the army is just do what I'm told and let them decide where i should be posted to..

In the army you realise what you have been doing right or wrong with your life before the army... how you wasted it, the things you could do better... you realise who are your friends and who were the ones that were making use of you, the ones you are still proud to have and the ones you shouldn't have let go of.

One thing that i love about the army... is it has made me more a man... both physically and mentally, heart and soul... its got nothing about serving your country... its your family and friends that you are going into the army for... so for all those who have yet to go in.. all i can say is don't fear the army instead just take it as a life all the singaporean boys have to go thru... So enjoy it as much as you can... you don't have a choice..

Massari Real Love

2006-07-02T02:30:00.000-07:00

Massari Real Love

Girl, girl I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Baby I was there all alone
When you'd be doin things that i would wit you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing you were someone i can talk to
I gotta get you out outta my head
But baby girl I gotta see you once again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Every night when now when I go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kinda weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you're runnin round in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I want you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Today when I saw you alone
I knew I had to come up and hold you
Cuz girl I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through
And now she lookin at me in the eye
And now you got me hopin I ain't dreamin again, Again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I want you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

You're the one that I want and no one can take It from me
No, no, no, no, no
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I wanna show you
And you'll be right there infront of me
I see you passing infront of me
No, no, no Girl I need your love Baby I need your love

good bye

2006-05-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

One final day before I go into the Singapore military. Going to miss each and every one of you. Mummy, Dad, Bro, Friends and You...

A new life awaits me... what to anticipate? I have no idea... thrilling? Yes... Worrying? Yes... Scared? Shitless.

Goodbye to all of you... its time a boy grows up to be a man... see you guys in 2 weeks... sorry but not much to say... will keep you guys updated...

2006-05-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

If I Were You by Hoobastank

You seem to find the dark when everything is bright
You look for all thats wrong instead of all thats right
Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade
You never say a word unless its to complain
Its driving me insane

If i were you
Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing i'd do
Is thank the stars for all that i have
If i were you

Look what surrounds you now
More than you ever dreamed
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be
So whats it going to take
For you to realize
It all could go away in one blink of an eye
It happens all the time

If i were you
Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing i'd do
Is thank the stars above
Tell the ones i love that i do
If i were you

So whats it going to take
For you to realize
It all could go away in one blink of an eye
It happens all the time
If i were you

Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing i'd do
Is thank the stars above
For the ones i love
Take a breath and enjoy the view
Live the life that i've wanted to
If i were you

Always By Your Side

2006-05-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

Always By Your Side - Sheryl Crow & Sting

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But this isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

Life is like this song... how far i maybe... no matter how long i'm gone... you know that i am always on your side.

2006-05-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

Kershaw Nik - The Riddle (3:52)

I got two strong arms
Blessings of babylon
With time to carry on
And try for sins and false alarms
So to america the brave
Wise men save

Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right
But he'll never, never fight over you

I got plans for us
Nights in the scullery
And days instead of me
I only know what to discuss
Oh for anything but light
Wise men fighting over you
It's not me you see
Pieces of valentine
With just a song of mine
To keep from burning history
Seasons of gasoline and gold
Wise men fold

Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right
But he'll never, never fight over you

I got time to kill
Sly looks in corridors
Without a plan of yours
A blackbird sings on bluebird hill
Thanks to the calling of the wild
Wise mens child

Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right
But he'll never, never fight over you

This is an oldie but i find is one of the most poetic songs written... and has many meanings...

National Service

2006-04-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

National Service

ARGH! Just recieved the news that i would be enlisting on the 2nd of June... haiz... i would be missing Debz wedding (Date not to be disclosed yet.. I would let debbie do that)... My trip to Australia would have to be cancelled cos i have no break!

I'm now on attachment... it ends on 3rd June... enlisting on 2nd June... i even have to take leave from work to go into the army... haiz...

On the bright side... i go in early i come out early... i would be able to see Micaela...! She is gonna be adorable.. my goodness!!! and lets hope... have that tint of hope... that i become a man... ha! ok nothing much to say anyway... will update you on army life... for now... pray for my forsaken soul.. ;)

After All :Simon Webbe

2006-04-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

Simon Webbe: After All

After all, the broken stones

That were thrown, for no good reason

Inside, she is loving him still

After all this time

And though her heart, begs the stars

No sign of healing, It's All right

She is loving him still, after all this time.

Oh yeah

[Chorus:]

Trying to push the past away

Still waiting for the lights to change

She’ll try, try for the sake of their pride, pride

Learning to barely feel the pain

Thicker the skin the less the strain

And though it's really hurting

She ain’t breaking, breaking, breaking

Coz she's loving him still, after all this time

Now he knows his weakness shows

Selfish soul, never changing

But that's fine, because she's loving him still

After all this time

And to the outside eye

You see you found a different guy

And it all seems perfect, and that's how she wants it

Coz she's loving him still, after all this time.

[Chorus]

After all this time...

After all, after all, after all this time

Bones have to grow, and age it shows

Though we try and hide it

Inside, she's loving him still

After all this time

And behind his tired eyes,

she sees the boy with his arms wide
Who made her feel like an angel

Oh that’s why she's loving him still

For the rest of her life, she's loving him still

For the last of many miles

She's loving him still

After all this time

bogging at work now... which is dangerous... leave you with this song.. i find it holds a wonderful meaning..

before christmas

2005-12-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

Before Christmas

Christmas.
The time of year that people are what i like to call it.. filled.
Filled with happiness.
Filled with joy.
Filled with excitement.

for me... its the time of the year i feel...
most alone.
yes... the smiles and wishes from everyone...
yet nobody knows..
my last merry christmas has come and gone...
the year of 2000.
the last christmas i wasn't alone...
dont get me wrong... i love christmas... its just...
i have nothing to look forward to...
maybe the smiles...
the gifts...
but all i ever wanted for christmas was what i had in 2000...
and it's you.

every year i wait for christmas...
wondering... if i would have a great christmas...
yet every christmas that goes by... it gets worse..
so everybody... have a merry fucking christmas...

2005-12-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

Two Trouble Makers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

~Another~

Why English is tough

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

NoBlogging

2005-12-07T06:21:00.000-08:00

Life is an endless struggle for perfection.
Life is an endless struggle for you.
They say no one is perfect.
That includes me too.
But you are perfect for me.
Once i spoke with anger saying we were not.
But fickle yes i am, but i now know.
Soulmates we were, is and always would be.
Time has never been on our side.
Neither has luck nor fate.
But Love has been with us.
Made us perserve thru difficult times.
We may not have said and done the right things in the past.
But if we had not, we might not be where we are.
I can't even state your name in this.
You belong to someone else.
It hurts, yes it does.
I don't know if he loves you.
I hope he does.
But one thing is for sure.
You'll forever be in my heart.

Can't forget the Past.
As i look on the future.
Reality cuts like a knife.
Only to be in your arms one day.
Life would have meant everything.
I wouldn't mind going through it one more time.
New life would be given to me.
Ending with a bittersweet symphony.

The Adventurer & The Archeologist

2005-11-21T01:46:00.001-08:00

The Adventurer & The Archeologist

There was a dig site in old Rome.

The archeologist had found years earlier but had never been able to put his name on the treasure for he never had the money for buying the land.

The archeologist had dug the site clean and studied it had become the sole reason of his being.

The adventurer had wondered to the dig site.

The adventurer had and bought over the land not knowing about the archeologist's passion for the site.

The adventurer now cannot give up the site for he sees the true beauty of it.

The archeologist had been send home empty handed yet still tries to fight for ownership to the beautiful relics.

Now....

Do you think anyone is in the wrong?

Is this fair to the adventurer/archeologist?

Who deserves the site?

Both can't share the site, how could this problem be resolved?

Isn't this life?

Should the adventurer give the site to the archeologist?
if so...
Why? (remember the adventurer had bought it fair and square)

Rene Andre Albers

PS: Life is never fair. you win some. you lose some. Let me know what you think.

At the Foot of the Bed

2005-11-15T15:31:00.000-08:00

At the Foot of the Bed

By Reverend Jon Arnold

During my daily rounds at the hospital, I came across a room where I could immediately tell by looking through the glass doorway that the man inside, though his back was to me, was visibly disturbed. He was anxiously sitting up on the far side of the bed with his feet hanging off while he pulled repeatedly at the unkempt sheets.

Knocking on the door frame, I announced myself: "Hello, I'm Chaplain Jon. Is everything all right in here?"

Pointing to the wall at the foot of the bed, the man replied, "No, there is a crucifix." I sighed as I examined the wall, knowing full well what was there, and I quickly looked at my census list to verify the patient information and faith tradition. I found the room number and the only word I needed to see: Hindu.

As a Protestant chaplain serving at a Catholic hospital in the multicultural and interfaith environment of Los Angeles, it was not infrequent for me to find patients perturbed by the presence of a crucifix on their wall. Trying to be diplomatic and defuse the situation, I explained, "If you are offended by the crucifix, I can make arrangements for it to be removed during your stay here." The truth, more accurately, is that some of the more zealous of the Catholic faith had learned of this practice of accommodating people of other faith traditions, and had most of the crucifixes permanently installed on the wall, so the best effort to accommodate patients often was to drape a cloth over the offending relic.

The Hindu patient left me dumbfounded by what he told me next. Turning more toward me and pulling one knee onto the bed, his face wrinkling from being misunderstood, he explained, "I am not offended by the crucifix. I am disturbed that it is at the foot of my bed, which is a place of dishonor in my culture. Every time I lie down, I feel as if I am disrespecting the God of this hospital."

The teacher had just become the student. I was overwhelmed with how much respect this man had for a faith not his own. I couldn't help but think that I had just glimpsed a nugget of human unity whose offspring surely is peace.

Taken From Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Busy

2005-11-15T14:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry i have been busy so have not been blogging lately..

actually...

not really busy...

i have been playing a new game...

it gets me away from this heart wrenching world...

wasting my time on it...

so ya..

really miss hanging out with you guys...

meet up soon ya...

sales marketing

2005-11-04T15:24:00.000-08:00

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer Her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..." That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback..

Compliments of Dehui

Jokes

2005-11-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

Just For Laughs

There was a young girl who loved to wear ...

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts everyday to school.
One day a boy asked her to climb the flag pole for a box of cookies.
She climbed the pole and all the boys in the schoolyard could see her panties.
When she got home she bragged to her mother that she got a box of cookies for climbing a flag pole. The mother knew that the boys just wanted to see up her skirt so she told the girl not to climb the pole again.
The next day the boy asked her to climb the pole for a box of candy. She did and they all saw her panties again.
When she went home she told her mother. Her mother was angry. She told the girl she shouldn't climb the pole. "They just want to see your panties and if you climb the pole again your grounded!"
The next day the same boy asked her to climb the pole for a box of doughnuts, so she climbed the pole again.
When she came home and told her mother what she got for climbing the pole, angrily she said, "I told you they only wanted to see your panties!"
"But mommy", the little girl answered, "this time I was smart enough not to wear any."

one more?

Mommy & "Uncle" Frank

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"

tears and blood

2005-10-28T02:14:00.000-07:00

~Feelings~

Tears fall as blood drips
Emotions spilled as heart rips
Numb touch to anyone
Blurred vision of the sun

Known nothing of the rain
Walk slowly down the lane
Soft words i hear afar
Locked up by metal bars

Everything was different then
Now hurt becomes my special friend
Time flies away from me
Together with freedom's key

Hope shattered to crystal dust
Finish races, forever last
Darkness i see when i look ahead
Chessboard set, pieces laid

Copyright of Rene Andre Albers

PS: Be kind to me. its been a long time since i did poetry.

Coke Machine

2005-10-27T00:16:00.000-07:00

A drink machine might not be a big deal to many... but i had a simple encounter with one.

Back when i was 8, my sister was frequently admitted to NUH, always at ward 48. Just outside the ward was this drink machine, the type that dispensed by the cup.

One day,i decided that i was thirsty and bored enough(a hospital is really boring for a child, trust me),I pop a coin as hard as i could into the drink machine, it registered $1 and yet the coin came out. That was how i started my first scandal.

i kept increasing my capital from $1 to $10. i bought alot of sweets and stuff. It felt really good. I felt liked i earned my own money. I showed my brother my ever-winning jackpot machine. *smiles* We continued playin with it and shared the spoils.

But now as i look back on the machine i realise what i had done. I had taken the poor innocent drink machine and made money. Till this day, I cannot judge if what i did was "immoral". The reason i use immoral cos i know it was wrong, but immoral? hmmm...

Sometimes we do stuff that doesn't seem wrong, but what i did was to a drink machine. What about manipulating a situation when a heart is involved? I know i had given and recieved my fair share of heart breaks yet, you still don't learn. Y?

And you know one more thing that Mr Drink Machine taught me?? How to take the oppotunity to make my money grow. HA!

taken from Troy:
Achilles: If i do this for you, you're still my enemy in the morning.
Priam: You are still my enemy tonight but even enemies can show respect.

2005-10-23T15:07:00.000-07:00

IL DIVO- Sei Parte Ormai Di Me

Mentre dormi accanto a me
Ti guardo a penso
Chissa cosa sognerai
Ti sfioro appena e mormoro
Puoi sentirmi
Voglio dirti che ora so
Niente puo cambiare quello che
Illumina d'immenso l'anima

[Chorus:]
L'amore che mi lega a te
E' puro amore credimi
Nel profondo
Tu sei parte ormai di me
E non potra finire mai
Sei tutto quello che vorrei
La mia vita
[si] Tu sei parte ormai di me

[se] Guardo in fondo agli occhi tuoi
Posso Vedere
Cio che e magico fra noi
Ed amo tutto cio che sei
Adesso piu che mai
Posso dirtelo lo so
Niente puo cambiare quello che
Illumina d'immenso l'anima

[Chorus]

[si] Tu sei parte ormai di me
Niente puo cambiare quello che
Illumina d'immenso l'anima

[Chorus]

[si] Tu sei parte ormai di me

The 3 amigos

2005-10-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

The 3 Amigos of my life.

Alice

2005-10-20T05:37:00.000-07:00

Sally called when she got the word
She said I suppose you heard?
about Alice

So I rushed to the window and I looked outside
And I could hardly believe my eyes
As the big limousine pulled slowly into Alice's drive

Oh I don't why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know
Cause for 24 years I've been living next door to Alice
(ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE)
24 years just waiting for a chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
Now I gotta get used to not living next door to Alice
(ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE)

We grew up together two kids in the park
We carved our initials deep in the bark
me and Alice

As she walks to the door with her head held high
Just for a moment I caught her eye
As the big limousine pulled slowly out of Alice's drive

Oh I don't why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know
Cause for 24 years I've been living next door to Alice
(ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE)
24 years just waiting for a chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
Now I gotta get used to not living next door to Alice
(ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE)

Sally called back asked how I felt
She said I know how to help
Get over Alice
She said now Alice is gone but I'm still here
You know I've been waiting 24 years
And the big limousine disappeared

Oh I don't why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know
Cause for 24 years I've been living next door to Alice
(ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE)
24 years just waiting for a chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
Now I gotta get used to not living next door to Alice
(ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE)
Now I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice

After the walk

2005-10-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

Just came back from a long walk, with my music and me, about 30 - 45 mins. Came back from Angelo's place. use to do it often, but after such a long time, it seemed different. The walk thought me somethin, with good friends around you all day, you are still able to get up on your own 2 feet and walk at the end of it. While walking i thought of a lot too.

Firstly, I would like to get one thing clear to people who have read my previous entries. She isn't a nasty girl, infact, she is really lovable and caring. Its the situation that we got ourselves into that made me say what i said. But on the contrary, I wouldn't take back what i said. Just wanted to clear the air if anyone had a misconception of her.

Secondly, just wanted to say that Ven, I have been thinking, and i came to the conclusion that you were the best girlfriend i had. Don't change your ways because of what happened to us, one day a guy will appriciate you for it. I'm sorry I didn't as much as i should have, was a really bastard thing to do on my part.

Thirdly, to all my friends who have known me for a day or for my lifetime. All of the people i meet have had an impact on my life. Its hard to imagine what i would have been if i had not taken the path in life that i had. I wouldn't change it for the world knowing i might lose one of you guys. Thankz for being there when it mattered(some of you guys don't even know u did).

Lastly, I have decided to quit smoking again. This is gonna be the 5th time... I think. Well i want to start improving myself slowly. really feel very low and that no confidence feel is back. i want to be successful in everything i do. it wasn't much a success the first 4 times, but to put down the sword is losing the war and that is NOT what i'm gonna do. I might not be able to do it this time but keep trying and one day you will succeed. Failure is the first step to success. MOTIVATION!!! MOTIVATION!!!

PS: Heard this joke on the radio: The best revenge to have on a man that stole your wife, Is to let him keep her. (*Drums Clash*)

2005-10-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

before i begin. just wanna say i'm a lil high so gimme face la ah...

just came back from chevys with me pretty Mama and Handsome Dad...BEAUTIFUL place... grago's UNITE!!! a eurasian pub... felt so at home... every where u turn u see another grago... super... ppl are so warm there.. everyone is like family cos u are related or at least connected thru friendship with them... i love that place...

the music was good.. country and western... to the oldies of queen all the way to the shadows... just to name a couple... the band fantastic actually... my dad calls the band a replica of the bee gees... they did a good number of bee gees songs.. really fantastic... they hand a pedal steel guitar... really unique.. give the cowboy western feel... the beat just makes u move... the guitarist was perfect... the keyboardist really knows how to get the crowd going... and the singer... "was liviing next door to Alice... WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE".. haha the song is stuck in my head.. had a really good time...

the bartender was eurasian... the band eurasian... the waitresses eurasian.... hmmm... the waitresses..my god... they are so EURASIAN!!!! i was like woo! and then woo! and wooha! LoLz~ really really pretty... but i think a number of them had like bf's already... but they were like drop dead gorgeous... I have never seen so many beautiful eurasian girls in one place.. Pure heaven... i ordered more and more beer just to have a look at one... just one.. one in dark green shirt... my oh my... if only i had the balls... a bit pai say... parents there... haiz.... she gave me the look... u know... ahiya... just agree with me la... make me happy... :)

i wanna go with the gragos man! that includes....
Debz! can't do without you...
Dal... My drinking partner...
Rick, Ben, Emil,Miguel, kenny, etc....the whole Cavalho's (hope i got that right.. pardon me...) they know how to make a party right!
Venassa.. You're the girl man!
Caroline and Rodney... Have to have the gragos together!
Joanne P... You will love this place....
Angelo.. our ta-me-lak eurasian... lolz...
Melvin... our Chinese eurasian...
and if there is anymorewho would like to join us... eurasian or not... you are more then welcome to come party with us!!! date not confirm... people going oso not confirm... but if we are going.. CONFIRM!

haiz... waitress in green... wait for me... i'll wait for you... hahahaha!!! full of shit... lolz... Nitez everyone...LOVE ALL OF YA WHO READS MY BLOG!!!! AND ALL WHO DON'T... hahah.... *MUACKZ*

2005-10-18T01:12:00.000-07:00

Time passed really fast today in school. Straight away when i came to school. i read my blog and
replied to my entries. I'm glad that I have cleared things with her. Truth hurts much less then the drag. I now know what I am to her and it clears my path of love in life. Its time to move on.

I had been a real bastard and hurt a really good girl, but it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I wouldn't say it was a mistake cos she moves on just fine. Really happy for you girl. Now its my turn.

Finding someone. 2 words, yet its really not 2 steps. I have made the decision not to jump into any relationship now. That is to save the hurt on both sides.

I have made up my mind now. I'm gonna try to leave the country for my NS. Come back with the lump sum of money and start my career. Cos business is the way to come successful.

Its going to take sleepless nights and sweating of blood to reach there but its not impossible. I have to. I'm not going to be a failure in life. Girl you tought me one lesson. To be successful, you have to know when to give up when its a 0% chance. It would never change.

Just lets hope in a decade's time, i will get there. After skinning my knees and falling i have to climb higher. I can. I could. I will.

Awesome God

2005-10-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

In times of lost... there is only one person to turn to... one guy who never left your side... He will carry your burden for you... Love him... for he loves you too....

Awesome God

When He rolls up His sleeves
He ain't just putting on the ritz
(Our God is an awesome God)

There's thunder in His footsteps
And lightning in His fists
(Our God is an awesome God)

And the Lord wasn't joking
When He kicked 'em out of Eden
It wasn't for no reason
That He shed His blood
His return is very close
And so you better be believing that
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

And when the sky was starless
In the void of the night
(Our God is an awesome God)

He spoke into the darkness
And created the light
(Our God is an awesome God)

Judgement and wrath
He poured out on the Sodom
Mercy and grace He gave us at the cross
I hope that you have not
Too quickly forgotten that
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

The pain

2005-10-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

before i begin... if i say anything hurtful... you know it came from the heart...

I have to say this... We soulmates? And where the fuck is our souls..? condemned to misery for the rest of our lifes? This feeling happens only once in our lives... Never a second chance...

why is it so hard? why can't we be? All i hear from you are excuses... i gave up everything i had... everything... gave us a second chance... and yet... all u want is me near... not too close... just near... in arms length... u say ur confused... In times like this.. my feelings that are bottled up get mixed around quite a bit... and the feelings now are uncomprehending... I love it when you are in my arms... but have you ever wondered how much that hurt me? everytime its a mix of pain and pleasure... or only pain... never only pleasure...

it have been a long time since i had pure bliss with you... everytime we are together... i think.. hey this girl has a boyfren... and he's not me...

WHAT.... What can he do that i can't... yes... i agree... he is much much more finacially stable then i am... more mature then i am... more WHATEVER LA... you and your fucking reasons... and when u can't fucking answer anything anymore... you run away... a job fucking well done man...! if that is the reason we are not back together... u can go screw yourself... cos that is not a girl i want... i will make it in life... i will be successful... and by then... i wouldn't need a woman... i admit... i have been in and out of other relationships.. but they never did work out cos not one seemed right... and nowadays... neither do we...

Our frenship is at stake her... pls just answer my question...

I'm not gonna leave u if u choose him... but you can forget about us being back together again... and I'm not forcing you to break up with him... I give you that decision to make... I just want a simple answer HIM or ME? no lame-o answer and excuses about the future or about the past or about how you feel... cos honestly... i'm sick of it... but if you chose him... forget obout us being together ever again... not a breath... not a whisper about us will ever be spoken again... just ANSWER ME FOR GODS SAKE!!! HIM or ME...?!

Unfair you might think... well 2 is a couple and 3 is a crowd... how long do u want this to last? not much longer girl... i'll never leave you... thats for sure... but one day... i'll stop loving you the way i do now... thats a day i do not want live through...

PS: if u are thinking of messaging me to give me your lectures about how childish i am about writing this blog... i got news for you girl.... u drove me to this corner... so don't u dare lecture me about anything... if u are gonna msg... its simple... its only gonna be a 'him' or 'you'.

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING (Michael Ball)

2005-10-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wonder? Do lust become love ... or love become lust? or it remains as lust and love itself?...its a really thin line between this two... i alot of guys want a pretty girlfriend.. one of them is me i admit... but is looks for your own pleasure or for pride when u hold her and walk down town? or maybe its a lil bit of both? If its love at first sight... isn't it lust? but in the end this couple last for 30 years... is it love? u betcha...

So i say to all guys and girls out there... looks are important... not only in being skin deep only... but the way you carry yourself and talk... being childish when the time calls for it.. and being mature when it matters... go walk the sunset with your love one... thats beauty... and that beauty last forever...

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING (Michael Ball)

Love, love changes everything
Hands and faces, earth and sky
Love, love changes everything
How you live and how you die

Love, can make the summer fly
Or a night seem like a lifetime
Yes love, love changes everything
Now I tremble at your name
Nothing in the world will ever be the same

Love, love changes everything
Days are longer, words mean more
Love, love changes everything
Pain is deeper than before

Love will turn your world around
And that world will last forever
Yes love, love changes everything
Brings you glory, brings you shame
Nothing in the world will ever be the same

Off into the world we go
Planning futures, shaping years
Love (comes in) and suddenly all our wisdom disappears
Love makes fools of everyone
All the rules we made are broken

Yes love, love changes everyone
Live or perish in its flame
Love will never never let you be the same
Love will never never let you be the same

I feel pretty

2005-10-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and gay
And I pity any girl who isn't me today

I feel charming
Oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real

See the pretty girl in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress
Such a pretty smile
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing
Feel like running And dancing for joy
For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy...

GOOSFRABA!!!!!!!!!!

Can't stop blogging

2005-10-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

I couldn't stop blogging the past 2 days... maybe its because i cannot express myself properly and what i have to let out is just not let out... u get wadda mean? haiz...

time... the essentials of life.... time protects yet destroys... time is neither good nor bad... with time everyone dies.. yet with it brings new life... time to meet datelines... time to spent with your love ones... evil or good? or is time just the judge of everything?

so i post this question to you... if time is neither good nor bad, sinner nor saint, life nor death...
when is the right time? doesn't it mean that there is no right or wrong time for anything? cos time is merely the chessboard and not the pieces. timing is to be made and planned not to be achieved by taking the easy way out...
haiz...

money... why cant i be working? how am i to challenge the courters out there who has the security of finance? all i have to give is my 5 cents comments... who needs them anyway? its already a difficulty supporting myself... how am i suppose to support another?

i cant wait to finish my school... and run away to the army... i have plans to take my NS life overseas... that means 2 years of escape from my life here now... maybe when i come back i would be able to see clearer on prospects of my life and able to make a decision on which roads and paths i am to take... i know that i'll miss alot of ppl here... but i need a break from all this... this nonsensical way of living my life.. with no aim.. or aiming for the impossible... i need time to think... time away from ppl who are close... i love you guys.. all of you... dont get me wrong... firstly... i will come back with a lump sum of money... 2.. i can start fresher then i am now.. 3.. and i have 2 years to think of what i wanna do with my life... cos i'm a procrastinator... and that i have to change... haiz..

i'm always so happy on the outside... u can never imagine the things that run thru my head and heart when i am laughing... i have nothing to show for at 20... its time to re-furnish my life... i just dont know how... and in a way... fear it too...

PS: when u read my blog... i jump around with no links... its just that i think.. and so type the like...

I DON'T WANNA RUN AWAY... BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

Untitled - Simple Plan

2005-10-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I open my eyes I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

The Difference of Pain

2005-10-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

What is the definiton of pain? When you break a leg? get hit by a bus? is that pain...? yes... physical pain... But imagine the one you love in bed with another guy... and the best part is it isn't wrong of them... cos her love isn't for you.... what the definition for that? pain? agony?

well for me i rather get hit by a bus... cause the pain heals... when u get emotionally hurt, it never heals... even after the matter has subsided... the memory of it happening remains with you forever... the playback of what you had imagine happen tortures you every minute you see her... and now that you have her... are you happy?

if you are, why does the pain remain? Does time really heal all wounds? time does not heal wounds... its the person willing to ask for forgiveness and change that heals... yet even though it heals, the scars will forever remind you of wat happened.. so the wound never really gets healed does it? friends heal your wound... God heal your wounds... but love leaves a scar... therefore... What is the difference of Pain?

Caroline & I

2005-10-14T03:33:00.000-07:00

Wonder what i was looking at...

Debbie and Dal

2005-10-14T03:31:00.000-07:00

ThE HiGh & ThE BeAuTiFuL

2005-10-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

What has happen to me? there use to be a drive, the longing for fun, the longing to live life to the fullest... its has all gone... part and parcel of growing up? Is this the price to pay for freedom? Its a price i'm not very willing to pay... Is there a way out of this vicious cycle?

Love on the other hand is a tricky game... due to the never-ending longing to have someone to love and be loved by... we unwillingly get ourselves involved in situations where we do not want to be.. yet when we are in that painful situation we feel the most alive... Is there an escape from love? To love a person and be loved in return? Is there a balance in love? Is love divisible to two or more people? Some how we would say no... but then again there is love and infactuation... and a very thin line seperates this two... yet when infactuation grows too strong, it could destroy the love that you have for the other. painful memories do i have of Love, may it be for family or relationship... yet i still do want to experience the 5 mins of pure euphoria when two hearts are unveiled to each other having given each other the power to destroy or to make you. For now i can't trust. so i can never truly love.

Beginning

2005-10-12T02:42:00.000-07:00

Just started using blog spot and found it really interesting lolz... leave me a shout for links or any ideas to upgrade my blog pls do so...

Thx